My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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