I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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