Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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