his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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