when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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