I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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