Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize