Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
