I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
