The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
