pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she told me i tasted like america
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
