"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
