White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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