did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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