Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
