Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
