I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
