super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
