My friends, they love my intelligence
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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