WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
