She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
