I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
