Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize