I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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