He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
