I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
