if i died would you start the facebook group?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
