youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
