Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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