either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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