My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
