I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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