I'm so fucking centered right now
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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