Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
