Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
