I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
