Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
