you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
