White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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