Duck Duck Cougar?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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