summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
