the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize