Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize