I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
