Where is the hickey?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize