Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
