I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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