If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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