with your own penis?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize