so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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