He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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