I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
