You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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