she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
