Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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