Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
