Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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