go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
