Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
