Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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