Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
