it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
