so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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