I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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