the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We got so high we made milksteak
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
