this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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