Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
