That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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