Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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