Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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