Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
