You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
