i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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