So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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