she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
