hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
