Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
