Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize