I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
