Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
